I really wanna say a big thank you to az.. thanks alot my dear girl.. this morning when i saw her msg.. for the first time i smiled.. love ya! muacks..


today it was stil tt bad.. but i experienced sth that i nv tot i would face.. i think i am beginning to hate him.. mayb i just hate the way he dont reply to sms..i started to tell myself if he wanna disappear like that.. i would do the same.. i would even disappear from rh they all..
i know this is selfish.. but i dont know why i will react this way..


nvm abt that.. anyway today, something major happened at work.. mandy, our lab manager called for an urgent meeting.. she was mentioning abt the whole company's lab quality standards.. Suddenly, i start to question myself if i am really abiding by the quality results.. She said bcos of a small mistake made by a lab analyst, the company might lose one of its important clients.
If that happens, the lab analyst will have to bear full responsibilities for it and will get sacked..

and all a sudden, i just realised that i havent face such things in the past.. to be truthful i felt afraid.. welcome to the harsh realities of the working world.. faintz..

today muang n DL keep imitating mi.. the way i laugh.. the way i respond.. the way i look around.. they said i look so blur and the way i look around is like a squirrel.. qi si wo le.. n i got shoot by benjamin's rubber bands again!
tsk tsk.. i think i got myself into some trouble again.. somehow the feeling DL gave mi isnt veri nice hur.. he keeps calling mi his girlfren and is very touchy towards mi.. always trying to ask mi out n today he wanted to send mi home..
so after work.. i jitao ran away from him.. I m scared la.. just dont wanna get myself into this kind of shit again.. enough of this kind of crap..

i am really really really heartbroken..

lingzi msg mi and i seek her view.. it just did not feel better..

i tot i could be stronger but yet just the slightest memory made my heart ache that i nearly cried at work today..

i cried when i dragged my feet back home.. i must be stronger..

Kai Xin u are such a dumb arse.. u are so stupid.. why must u even cry for him.. Since he did not even reply u, mayb he dont even give a damn abt u... so stop thinking !!!! *slap*

sometimes i really wonder is it wrong to request that i need a rest in a r/s... why must he react tt way... to think i stil tot of how he would feel so i tried to make it not so hurting..

he can actualli say if thats the way i want it.. so be it lo..

i dont understand why he can change so much.. how can he say such a fucked up statement.. it just shows how much he heck care abt this r/s.. and if thats the case, i dont see why i keep trying to improve things..

yesterday i tot about everything.. i admit i stil feel the pain bcos i stil love him alot.. but i just dont know how can he change so much... i just feel that he really treated mi so unfairly..

why he used to treat his ex-gf so nicely... and for mi.. he just take things for granted...

sometimes i really wanna say it into his face that i am not his chu qi tong... he like it, he do wat he wan... he dont like it, he just flare up.. and i have been wondering to myself how mani times i for no reason, become the victim of his anger pangs again..

i always try to be understanding towards him.. bcos i know his work is veri stressful.. but i myself is facing stress at work.. whu the hell come listen to mi and comfort mi...

and i just realise... for the past few mths... the number of times he went out drinking wif his frens is much more than the number of times he went out wif mi... it seems to mi that his frens, his drinking, his clubbing everything else is so much more impt than mi..

i know right now.. he is stil very playful.. he stil wans to enjoy as much as he can.. i did not say much.. i just hope he has his own limits.. but it seems like he doesnt have it.. haiz..

since he cant put his heart into this r/s.. i think its only right i dont tie him down.. i want to leave wif beautiful memories in my heart..

i know i will miss him alot alot.. n i know in my heart i stil hope that one day he will go back to his old self and i stil wish that i will go back into his arms again...

There are many things i wish to buy.. due to the window shopping i had on last friday n saturday.. lol..

I wanna buy those puffed sleeves tee.. they look so cute..

I need to get more skirts and dresses..

I need to get watches bcos all my watches spoil le !!!

I need to get more normal jeans for my work..

I wanna get levis square fit jeans bcos mine got stained by the fuel oil during work.. argh !...

I wanna get the new levis lady jeans.. its so beautiful!

I wanna get more small and handy bags..

Lastly, i wanna get hold of N80 !

ok.. until i get hold of all of tt.. i will be broke by then.. lol..
anyway.. today's mc for mi.. ytd i went home in the mid afternoon cos i was feeling veri unwell.. my stupid boss stil so reluctant to let mi go.. faintz..

ytd night my temperature shot up to 39.4 degrees.. so i went to the doc for the second time.. and mayb bcos of the high temp.. my head feels veri heavy now..

He came over to acc mi to the doc.. After dinner, i watched "so u think u can dance" n he just fell aslp.. before he left.. he was complaining that its veri hot.. n his reaction wasnt veri nice.. i got alittle upset by it.. but i just kept quiet.. mainly bcos i wasnt feeling well and i desperately wanted to go to bed..

i had a real fun filled weekends... but then again.. i fell sick again.. and this time i really felt weak.. i was so afraid i wouldnt be able to go work tml.. i dont wanna take mc..

ok.. i cant rem wat i was doing from monday to wednesday.. think i met up wif him.. oh well.. thursday after work.. i went down to momo wif ahgong n gb.. been so long since i went to club.. it was fun.. but sickening at the same time bcos of some bloody guys.. n guess who i saw there..

him...

right.. i dont wanna mention the details anymore.. cos its really no point.. wat i dont understand is such a simple thing he cant even do.. and everything is back to square one again.. he looked very shock to see mi there.. a msg saying sorry was sent to mi.. i ought to be angry but i wasnt at all...

instead i was very hurt.. hurt so badly that it didnt matter to me anymore.. he sort of reach my max.. 1 more silly stuff.. everything will be gone..

i went home feeling so fucked up.. i began to think abt everything betw us.. from frens till now.. i have only one thing to say.. all guys are jerks.. when they are chasing after u.. they can treat u so good.. after all that.. they just dont give a damn..

friday i went sentosa with charlene.. was stil thinking if i should go.. bcos i was on standby.. anytime i could get call back to work.. but anyway i stil went.. i badly needed some break from my life..
after tt we went to meet hanz, puwen, spencer and hc at town..
we went to watch mi3 at the grand cathy!! yipee.. haha.. actually i was supposed to watch wif him.. but i just felt i should just heck care abt him le.. i really couldnt be bothered..

sat i went to work.. and my colleagues were like psycho-ing mi to go play mj wif them.. so dotz.. -_- i went to je swimming complex wif puwen after that.. supposingly got alot ppl de.. in the end only the 2 of us.. we tok abt everything.. but mostly on my problems..
at the end of day i was telling myself i shouldnt be so bad.. i should just forgive him.. so i went over his place despite the fact that i knew he will be working late..

i waited till 1 plus 2 am.. at that moment of time i was feverish already.. so i went to rest.. thru out the night.. i kept waking up to see if he's back.. and i just cant help but to think i am really damn stupid.. i keep questioning myself why am i caring so much for him.. i find myself saying its all not worth it anymore..

he came back at around 7 plus 8 in the morning.. telling mi he's veri tired from work and his stomach is not feeling well.. the first tot that came into my mind wasnt abt his well-being.. but whether i should believe in wat he said.. i really dont know.. should i trust him or not..

but i was really too sick to think abt all that.. i went back to slp.. went home early noon.. bcos at tt moment he really felt like a stranger to mi.. its so weird... nth mentioned abt thursday.. yes, he did explained on e sms.. but so wat.. just a few words can gain back my trust? i dont think so..

hmmm... mayb once i have fully recovered.. i will have to start thinking abt all these..

erm.. i dont know wat to blog about..
basically i have been working n working.. but its really alot of fun.. my colleagues really make mi forget all the worries weighing mi down.. and suddenly there, i am being so doted upon.. although they always bully mi.. but they also make sure i dont get into trouble.. ha!

i have nth much to update actually.. cos i dont know where to start from.. i think i should start worrying for my future.. e other time jr just analysed for mi the pro and cons of obtaining a degree.. i am stil thinking abt it.. but i know if i wanna continue my studies.. i will have to let go of something..

people change with time, dont they
and yet they cant see it for themself..

haiz..

i started my new job...

i really have to say this... its frickin damn stress ! argh...

but its a great learning experience.. cos i really learn alot of things ! hehe..

so much so.. i am still tired.. whole day busy w/o time to grab a short break too..

TIRED !!!!!!!!!!!!! zzzzzzzz

i am siao !!!!!!!!!!

blah blah blah blah blah.....

i wan to eat alot of things...

i wan to sing songs...

i wan to dance till i drop..

i wan to ride bicycle till my legs go wrobbling..

i wan to sit by the beach watching the sun rises and sets all day..

i wan to sleep all day long..

i wan to fight with someone... haha..

i wan to do everything!!

i am siao!!

After tt horrifying weekend, i was really in a totally stone and bad mood on monday.. i kept myself busy doing all sorts of things.. i went home n pig through the night cos i figured it would be the best thing to do anyway..

tuesday was much better after the long slp.. after work i met up wif rh, cindy, agnes, wee, spencer and jianling to holland v..

i stil tot i would be able to meet dear on wed.. but he's tired.. ok.. i really tried to understand his situation, which i did.. so i went home.. i tot about everything.. i guess i am the only person who can be there for myself if i need any help or any comfort.. sometimes i feel i need to treat myself a little more better.. why do i always think about others first.. why i can sacrifice slp time just to see him.. i think i am really being so stupid.. i really need to think more for myself.. it might sounds selfish.. but there's the way life is isnt it? blah!

yesterday i meet him for dinner.. then we went over to meet up with spencer, rh and wee.. i think next time i shall go alone to meet them instead.. he seems so bored.. cant even sit still to listen wat they saying like last time.. mayb cindy was right.. mayb all of them were right.. he really changed le.. i dont know how to say how he's changed.. i feel so disheartened.. i just dont wish to say anymore.. so i kept quiet..

what happens when u are utterly depressed?

even the slightest thing can make u go nuts..

and even i cant contact dear.. i start to feel more depress.. that i started thinking about everything.. and its more towards the negative path..

it just dawn upon mi that fate is always not on mi and dear's side.. whenever something really terrible hit mi.. he is always just right not around.. ya.. like wat he say.. how is he supposed to know if i dont say.. but it so happened whenever i wanted to call n just share my things.. he just happen not to be there...

all these while.. i have been picking myself up after all these shits.. n i keep questioning myself why must all these happen to me..

and it brings mi to another point that either he doesnt really understand mi.. or he doesnt know how to tackle mi when i am feeling down.. or mayb i have already close myself up...

i have been crying the whole day.. can i learn to adopt a dont-care attitude about everything? plz tell mi how to..

i realli hate him

i realli hate him to the core !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have nv hate someone that i realli wish he will drop dead right now....

i hate the fact that he thinks he contributed so much in this family.. but in actual fact he did not...

all he bought to us was misery... hurt....

i wish i had the power to control ppl... n i will make him die...

no one can ever understand how i feel... ppl may say i am not filial.. but no one can understand why i hate him so much... i just feel the pressure coming down on mi... i just wish everything will end soon...

i realli dont know how long i can take it..

why are other ppl's father so caring... so loving.. so thoughtful.. n yet he so bastard.. i just dont it... bcos of him.. i realli gradually hate staying in this place..

even he onli comes back dont know like once a mth.. i just cant stand the look of him...

dont he have at least some liang xin in him... after all the bad he did...

dont he ever know how to repent in stead of causing of making everything worse..

after everything my mom has done... after mi and my mom paid for his fucking debts.. till i have no money now ! he stil got the cheeks to say mi and my brother are useless...

FUCK HIM.... i seriously hope u go to hell now.. n i mean every single word i say... i dont care if u read this...
come thrash things out with mi like a man la..... i will see wat stupid reasonings u have got to say.....

i am crying real real badly now... i dont know why.. i think i feel realli veri hurt now...

in the end i did not went to zouk.. i went to spenc hse for mj with wee n cindy.. cos all of us was off on thursday ! hehe..

whole night of no slp... i went to my agency in the morning.. n had a nice chat with serene.. after which i went home to take a rest.. n got woken up by dear's call.. so i went over his place to slp again.. lol.. at night.. he brought mi to a place to eat crabs !!! omg.. super delicious can!

friday was working finally after so mani days.. after work i went dinner with char at holland's xo fish noodle stall.. n we caught up wif each other.. then i went off to meet rh and cindy.. off to spencer's hse we go.. for mj again..

mi rh and cindy left early in the morning.. i went home took a veri short nap.. n went off to meet dear to acc him to work.. in the end its raining.. so i went back his place to slp.. before going to meet spencer they all..
was a simple dinner.. and talking session at paulaner with beng spencer and weiling.. hee..

ignore tt previous post.. its just for venting reasons.. i stil love my brother.. lol..

right now.. i am fucking pissed off...

i am seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with the people of this world..

just a few months ago, my brother out of kindness gave his personal particular to his fren to sign up a mobile plan.. (ok, i have to admit he is dumb also la!) his this bloody fren chalked up a total of 2k plus phone bill... billed to our residential address.. and today.. its stil not settled yet..

I dont know how the hell he used so much in a month.. but tt asshole refused to pay up till now... when my mom called, he just decided to stop using tt line... n sign up another line using my bro's particular again!

toking about trust abusing.. i am so damn pissed off... and now he chalked up another 200 plus of phone bills.. when my mom called him just now.. upon hearing wat my mom was going to say, he hung up immediately... FUCKING COWARD CAN !!

argh... why do stupid things always happen within this family.... i had enough ! enough is enough... i just feel like shouting till my voice breaks now... grrrr...

ooo.. i am on mc today again.. infection again.. boooz..

last thursday was dinner at chinatown with jr, cindy, apple, rh, wee, spencer.. n it so happened that the next day all of us except wee were off.. so decided to play mj overnight at spencer's place.. I was thinking of dropping by dear's place to bath before heading over to spencer's hse.. but since dear finish his ops, i decided to accompany him.. so i went over his place.. hee..

Friday went for my eye checkup.. everything was ok le ! n went to meet jr, cindy, shihong, rh, hanwei, beng, victoria and spencer for dinner at orchard.. wanted to go alley bar after that but it was packed ! so we went over to a pub that victoria recommend de... its like that worst pub i ever been to.. can u imagine almost all of the people that are younger than us.. and their singing totalli sucks ! omg..

Saturday was out to sentosa with elaine.. n after which was shopping for both of us.. before i went to meet rh, wee, beng, jr, cindy, lingzi and agnes for ice age 2... beng, wee and rh treated mi.. hee.. thanks! tt show is damn funni.. tt stupid rat is like so idiotic! afterwhich mi, beng , wee and lingzi went down sch for the gl prep camp.. actualli basically there i was editing my blogskin with the help from charlene ! thanks alot girl !

Sunday early in the morning i pop by dear's place.. n fell aslp there till late afternoon.. -_- we went town shopping and i watch ice age with him again.. lol.. stil entertaining after the second time.. hee..

Monday was usual working day.. boring in fact.. whole day diff ppl tried to convince me to stay.. but i just couldnt be bothered.. lol..

Yesterday was half day for mi.. bcos i felt so bored.. lol.. dear also released early! so i went over his place to take an afternoon nap.. lol.. after tt we went to suntec for steamboat buffet.. cos i was so craving it !! lol.. we went to search for his dad's present bcos its his birthday.. after which home sweet home.. =)

right now i am deciding if i should go zouk tonight.. its been frickin long time since i went clubbing.. sheez.. argghh i wanna slp lo.. tata..

friday slacking session at starbucks.. wee and jr was so psyche about playing mahjong.. and they were thinking about whose hse to go too.. in the end settled for jr's hse on saturday morning..

can u believe, i actualli woke up at 830 !! just to go over to jr's place.. at the split second i woke up, i was thinking what the hell am i doing? why did i get myself psycho for doing sth so ridiculous.. haha..

nevertheless i stil woke up in time to meet rh.. bought breakfast cum lunch for wee and jr.. i played till cindy and beng came before leaving to dear's place to accompany him..

and yes, i talked to him.. he said he will do his best to open himself up.. i am afraid that history repeats itself again.. we went over to spencer's hotel room for his bday celebration in the evening..

went to watch "failure to launch" on sunday.. veri nice show.. hehe.. a show suitable for couples.. lol

On monday, dinner at sakae with dear at tiong bahru.. lol.. he super bth mi tt day.. cos i dont know why i was talking non-stop.. even when i said i wanted to keep quiet.. i stil said alot of things before i shut up..

Today another usual day.. rh n wee said in another 2 mths, the same thing will repeat itself again.. tts the frequency of it happening in the past.. how? i asked myself this.. everytime i said its the last time i am going to let it happen.. but somehow its always not the case.. I am just wondering how mani last times.. they say i am veri soft hearted.. i have no choice but to agree..

I found myself asking why do i have a soft spot for him?
I dont go back when i said i wanted to let go.. but for him i did it..
There are things that i really cant accept, but for him i accept it..
This is so weird.. so weird..

Mayb this is wat u call love..
everything's so weird about it..
I just dont understand.. zzzz""

I have been going thru emotional spells.. and right now when i am supposed to be slping... i just cant slp..

I dont know what am i gonna write.. but i feel so lost..

a quick update..
tuesday
went to paulaner with jr and spencer.. just some drinking and chilling out session.. hilarous.. the band was great.. yet.. i feel so down..
wednesday
to the balcony with spencer, rh n lucas.. ya.. drinking n chilling out session again.. feeling very down.. yet no one notices it..
thursday
to duxton blue with dillon, wee, rh, spencer, cindy, agnes, lucas, beng, his frenz.. feeling super down.. i just sat quietly there not interacting with anyone..
i broke down n spilled everything to him over the phone.. i told him wat i feel.. or rather part of it.. it was a terrible day.. we decided to talk things out on Sunday after his ops..

today.. (fri)
i had a quarrel with the boss.. n i tendered my resignation letter.. everyone was asking mi to stay.. but i find no future staying there..
i admit i was crying in office.. not bcos of work.. but i feel helpless n lost..
like wat i told cs.. i realli feel so contradicting.. on one hand, i feel like giving up.. but on the other hand, i just cant bear to let it go..
This is one of the greatest challenges that i will be facing.. can anyone just tell me how do i get him to open up to ppl around him...
Bcos of this, there's a communication barrier betw us.. and its not good, its not healthy.. it cause me to feel insecure bcos i really know nth abt him..
I told myself, it doesnt matter if in the end he hates mi, but i will get him to open up.. for his own good..
I want him to be happi.. I want to be there to know his problems.. I want to share my things with him.. I want him to share his things with mi..

I tot that he wont contact me these few days due to his ops..
So u can imagine how surprise i am to receive his call.. ya, i am happy he called.. just sth so simple can brighten up my day..
But wat he told mi really broke my heart... he told mi he hurt himself while playing soccer.. there was a very deep cut on his forehead.. and he had to go to the hospital for stitches..
I nearly cried.. on the verge to.. I was worried sick for him.. it was then i know deep in my heart i would not let him go.. unless he chose to let go..

I rushed down to his place after work when i am supposed to meet up with rh and all.. bought dinner for him and took a look at his wound..
My heart really aches for him.. I really wanna hug him but yet i tried my best to keep myself away from him..
Dress his wound and apply lotion before rushing down to holland v to meet up wif jr beng rh and wee..

chill out at starbucks.. i called him.. but i feel weird.. he's cold towards mi.. sometimes i really dont understand him.. one moment hot the next cold.. haiz..

i think i have been a bad girl this past week... i was out for all days except monday...

Monday was just going work and home...

Tuesday was out wif lingzi to jp for dinner and some chit chat session.. was usual more craps came out.. she always keeps me laughing...

Wednesday was out with dear.. to ikea... shopping n looking around...

Thursday was out with gb and ahgong.. to causeway for dinner.. both of them are like so dead.. -_-

Friday was off day.. i went to sign my appointment letter with my new company.. =) n i met 2 of my future colleagues, joanne and shirleen.. we went for medical check-up tog... To be frank i really was quite pissed by their obnoxious behaviour.. they are really so spoilt... keep complaining to me that their current company is much better blah blah blah.. say no high pay they feel kanna cheated..
Mayb its just me who thinks differently.. I just wanna gain as much experience in this industry.. I dont really care about the pay.. tsktsk..
After that was dinner at holland v...

Saturday was sentosa outing. i really wanna complain liaoz... i call jr and part time till i was late... haha.. only mi and wee managed to wake up in time.. and we started calling everyone.. to our dismay everyone was like ko... in the end mi spencer and wee went there first...
the two guys was like suntaning there... so i started disturbing them.. tickling them n throwing sand at them.. haha..
then jr and dear came along.. the sun was frickin hot tt day...
after that was dinner at lau pa sat... i think the 4 of us, jr mi dear n spencer realli ordered too much !.. faint.. we had lala, stringray, kai lan, oyster egg, crayfish, 2 soups, satay..
after dinner mi jr and cindy went to spencer place to play mj... played all the way till 4 plus 5 in the morning..

Sunday.. went over to dear's place immediately after the end of mj session cos he also just finish his ops... both of us ko all the way till 3 plus.. n went town for shopping... had dinner at sushi tei wif jr n cindy... then both of us went to catch V for vendetta...
I think the show is so F*cking fabulous.. n believe it or not.. I am so in love with the male lead.. though he is just a masked figure... but i just find him so intriguing.. so charming... i will definitely melt if he recites one of those intelligent literature works to me.. i know i know.. i am nuts.. i have a soft spot for such ppl k.. haha..

Anyway.. today was slacking at work.. was thinking about alot alot alot of things.. and i really dont know why tears just fell.. no no i am not suffering from depression.. haha.. i just merely tot about wats going on and i felt sad.. i just suddenly feel its so hard to please the ones u hold dear to your heart.. its so hard to strike a balance.. i know things have changed and no, i am not being paranoid or overly sensitive.. i can no longer trust as i used to.. i no longer feel secure.. and like it or not, i am beginning to close myself up... and there will be many things or emotions i will hiding le...

ok.. after work i went scouting around for V3x and N6280.. i am in dilemna as to which phone is nicer.. i am in love with both phones.. anyone give mi comments? pls pls.. desperately need some comments...

weekend was bad... i had a dispute with dear again.. seriously am quite sick of it le...

fri was ktv at orchard partyworld.. before that was dinner with jr, wee, rh n cindy at jack's place.. Met up wif zj, jerm and dear for k session.. He bought me eclairs... =) went over his place cos i am heading to sentosa the next day...

Sat was tanning session with charlene ! hehe.. bought our breakfast at delifrance n headed in.. The sun was hot so we were there for only 1 to 2 hours.. hee..
headed down town wif her.. went shopping.. I received Dear's call saying he's meeting up with his frenz to the IT show.. I was fine with it so i told him to go ahead n would meet up wif him after my class's gathering.. n he was like meet him for wat.. i admit i was puzzled.. bcos previously when i told him i am going for my class gathering, i asked if he wanted me to go over to acc him after tt.. n he said yes... yup.. n so i was speechless for a few seconds b4 telling him tt..
well well.. i tot mayb he wanna go out wif his frens.. so i told him to go ahead... i can always head home to rest.. no problem for mi at all..
n thats when everything started.. he started getting irritated n the attitude came out again.. i was like "Wat the hell"

n so after tt espisode.. he wanted to meet me.. But this whole incident left mi feeling veri veri down.. i went to kfc to have lunch with hc n charlene.. n there's a point when my eyes just started getting teary.. he called n apologized.. i told him to go meet up with his frens.. reason being that i just dont feel like seeing anyone tt day.. n he got frustrated again.. telling mi that his frens did not include him in their program le..
but in the end we stil decided to meet up.. ya i know.. so lame...

went to taka with hc n charlene to the creativity level.. i went to search for some inspirations on wat to do for him... but as i walked on.. i became more n more sad... i just feel so unfair n pointless.. dumb dumb called n comforted mi... i was even crying at one point..

went to meet him at city hall to go to the IT fair.. i was still feeling veri hurt.. but i just hide everything inside.. i did manage to cheer myself up abit... we walked around.. he bought a web cam and a photo printer..
had dinner at thai express and went back his place.. I was too tired to do anything... mayb mentally tired too.. i just wan to rest.. so i ko there..

Sunday was mj session at jr's place.. luck was on my side.. till a point where i felt so guilty when ever i win.. so i just diam diam there.. lol.. plus i was feeling veri tired...

why cant i even get a proper answer n not some frustrated tone... i dont see that his frens get this kind of shit when they talk to him.. i so had the urge to say it in his face that i am ur gf.. someone with feelings.. not something for you to vent ur anger on.. but yet i did not.. i just cant bear to do tt..
Suddenly i realised.. this kind of thing has been happening rather frequently.. i really dont know how much longer i can take it though...
But i seriously hope that he wont go over my limit.. bcos i really dont know wat i can do...

i shall keep tt previous post to myself n not post it out... i just feel that sometimes the human mouth can be so terrifying.. so... no more of my personal tots here.... i gonna keep it all private...

took the day off... n met up wif beng after my interview... short chit chatting session at tcc.. i did tell him my opinion on someone.. names shall not be mentioned.. playing arcade wif beng... lol... i wanna play more !!!

but dear was hungry so we went for dinner... lingzi n lyn came over to find us... been so long since i saw them !!! lingzi is so blur can !! she can walk infront of us n call beng ask where are we... i laugh till bth..

after wards was pool session at sg shopping centre.. mi n lingzi catch up wif each other.. i told her sth thats deep buried within my heart... not even a single soul on earth knows abt it.. yup.. i told her... n surprisingly she felt the same way as i do.. pengz... n now i told charlene abt it.. she also felt the same way as us... how is it possible? mayb that someone really doesnt have a character... ok i should not be bad..

anyway.. after toking to lingzi.. i felt something that i tried to keep within my heart... something that i am not willing to face up to... something that keeps bothering mi every now n then... but i guess its time i face up to reality.. i was supposed to meet up wif rh n wee today.. i wanted to tok to them abt how i feel...but both are not free last min..

i wanna tok to lingzi... i m so sorry girl.. for the first time i felt regretful that i did not take care of my eyes.. resulting in being ban from clubbing for a few mths... n bcos of it.. i cant be there to listen to her cos they are going zouk tonight... haiz... i feel so bad...

be strong girl.. =) n i feel girls whu throw themselves at guys are such a disgrace...

Thursday
work as usual nth special.. rushing off to meet up wif dear at tiong bahru for movie... caught underworld.. damn cool show.. the lead actress just nv fails to amaze me with her beauty.. she's so hot..! overall nice story plot.. u guys should watch it... went to queensway for stringray n lala.. cos he's craving for it.. haha..
n we waited for damn long for a stupid cab.. there's this couple whu had the cheeks to just stand in front of us to steal cab... i did something real funni.. i kinda "shouted" at them.. buey zi dong.. cab stealers.. haha..

Friday
met up wif ahgong for dinner at siam kitchen !! finalli my craving for thai food.. haha.. but not to my expectation.. i still prefer thaiexpress.. kl came while we were eating.. after which met up wif gb n sw... played arcade n went to mac to wait for our show to start...
caught final destination 3... the show is damn gross lo.... each time the person die i was like so speechless that the person could die like that.. ewwwksz...totalli horrible ! but the suspense is stil there so i would say not a bad show...

Saturday
met up wif cs at sim lim.. tt crazy guy wanna buy psp.. so damn ex lo.. then i went to pray n got myself a crystal bracelet.. we went icon to take a look... nth much there.. mayb cos there's not much ppl.. the whole building is kind of dead.. went for lunch at billy bomber... n we went over kiat's place... he bought mi an adidas slipper and a pair of ear rings from taiwan... they are realli veri nice.. =) thanks ar..
jona, hc, bao n kiat were playing mj.. haha.. i helped jona play.. n lost his money.. haha... after awhile went for dinner at suntec with ky, his girl, dear... ky came fetch mi and shui bian lobang hc.. god damn it lo... took almost like an hour to find a stupid parking lot.. we even switched to different places to find.. everywhere is full!!! faint..
n i have to admit i am realli totalli not in best of mood.. i was quite pissed off by dear tt day.. early morning he gave mi attitude when i tried to speak properly with him.. ya though i know e reason.. but stil its realli not my fault... so i just try to put myself in his shoes.. n he gave mi attitude again when he waited for a long time for the three of us.. realli.. its not my fault again... how am i supposed to know there's no parking lot...
i think i am realli on the verge of crying cos i was so frickin mad.. i realli just feel like stepping out of ky's car n just go home...
ky suggested that he drop mi off first while they two go search for a lot.. i figured that there's the best solution.. so yea..
when i met up wif him.. i tried to explain to him.. so i really cannot be bothered if he understands or not...
after dinner.. ky n his girl went off.. while mi and dear went to ktv cos he wanna sing song.. so anything lo.. wanted to go home after tt cos i am meeting elaine the next day.. but ya.. he wanted to spend more time wif mi.. so i went over his place lo...

Sunday
msg elaine saying i not meeting up wif her.. cos i was realli too tired.. n slept all the way to 12 plus 1.. dear was supposed to meet up wif zj at 1.. n he was veri late.. so i think he's very pissed off with himself.. i dont know how to handle him.. so i just diam diam n called zj to inform him..
after that he went work n i went home to take a rest...
i am actualli quite affected by saturday's incident.. i just feel so unfair.. n the saddest part.. not even a sorry has been said.. mayb he doesnt know he reacted tt way.. n i just dont wish to say.. n how come i have the feeling that i am being taken for granted again... tired... i feel damn fucked up...